If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
