She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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