Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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