She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
