Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
