I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
