so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i think i have two assholes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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