i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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