He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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