I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The power of my boobs compel you
I need to calm my uterus...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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