How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
