You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
