My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
