I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
