dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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