"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize