we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
