just come out here and I will go home with you...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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