I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
