the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
