Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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