yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
