don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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