Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
