watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
