it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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