She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Still dying that you shit outside
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just forgot I was standing up.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize