come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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