i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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