when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
