Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It all started with a game of naked twister.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize