If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
