This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
