Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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