You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
