he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
