if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
