I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Come on in and take your pants off
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
