And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
