nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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