So drunk its hurt
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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