Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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