He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
