Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
