he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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