Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
