proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
