I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Be still, my beating vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
