dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
