please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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