I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
