he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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