what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i think im in europe. pls send help
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize