its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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