Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
