I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
