i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
