remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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