You're completely useless in the revolution.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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