Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
