You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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