...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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