There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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