You're so nebulous sometimes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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