please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
