Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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