i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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