I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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