I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
