yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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