Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
