The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This house was built for laser tag.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
