I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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