YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
MIDGETS
????
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize