I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
