I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
