God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
