my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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