Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
