Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
