I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
