I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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