this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
