i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
