well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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