meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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