hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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