I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize