You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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