Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
