May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
