my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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