I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just want to make out with him forever
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
