Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
