she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize