I'm lost and stupid without you.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
